Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh?

Tomorrow is the last day of 2010.

Shit.

That felt like a cruelly short year, didn't it? I guess they all do. If I could have one wish... Well, I was about to say that I would wish for longer lives and more hours in the day, but that could be considered two wishes, and let's be honest, if I had one wish, it would be for infinite money, or superpowers, or ageless immortality, etc.

Anyway, I wish we lived longer and that there were more hours in the day.

I've started reading Chuck Klosterman's latest, Eating The Dinosaur. I like Klosterman a lot because he over-analyzes pop culture in the way that I would like to have time to. I guess the over all message of all the Klosterman that I've read is that, no matter how petty or materialistic pop culture seems, these things matter. I tend to agree.

I'm reminded of the summer of 2002. Everyone gets at least one big, earth shattering, soul crushing, heartbreak in their youth; or at least, they should. You know, at least one time where something or someone happens that calls into question everything you believe about yourself and the human condition. Mine came by way of a breakup with my first longtime girlfriend in the summer of 2002.

I got sad. Real sad. Less so because I still wanted to be with that girl, really, and more so because I had based all of my hopes and dreams around being with that girl. If we're being dramatic, I got suicidal. If we're being more realistic, I got dramatic about being sad and, like many children of the 90's/Nirvana fans, channeled that drama into lionizing suicide. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is what got me through those times. Was it supportive friends and family? Sure, somewhat. Was is faith in a higher power? Nope...well, kind of, maybe, I guess. Do The Beatles and/or Star Wars count as higher powers? If they do, then yes.

During that time I had two great revelations:
1. That the arcade in the mall had The Star Wars Arcade Game, and...
2. That the Beatles are amaaaaazing but I did not own their entire catalog.

So I made the decision that I would not buy any new music other than The Beatles until I had every album. Also I began most of my days by pillaging the couch cushions and our apartment's dusty corners, looking for quarters or any spare change that was equal to or greater than 25 cents.
I played the Star Wars arcade game almost everyday that summer. What has two thumbs and could (at that point) beat the Star Wars arcade game with one credit? This guy!

I know that those things didn't solve my problems, but they provided me with enough distraction from said problems that I was able to function, and that has worth, right? I think so.

Ian and Elana got me Futurama: Season 5 for Xmas and I've been watching that almost all day. For my money, Futurama is possibly the best animated show of all time, least ways, nothing else springs to mind that is better. I'm so glad it was resurrected. When I am cancelled, I, too, hope to be ressurected.

This was a great year. I had a really great time. Thanks for having me, and I'll definitely recommend you to my friends, Universe.

"I was God once." "Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died."

I'm talking out of my ass, won't you join me?

One of the things my brain does, when it's not being required to do anything important, is concoct scenarios in which a personal god makes sense. I've said numerous times that I'm not really an atheist, because I don't actively believe that the existence of "god" is impossible. What I'm relatively sure about, is that organized religion is, more or less, complete nonsensical superstition wrapped around a few universal truths that you could learn just as easily by opening your eyes. Christianity's version of god simply doesn't gel with reality, as far as I can see. To my knowledge, neither does anyone else's. Well, maybe the Greeks. The reason I say that is because the Greek gods were flawed. All of the traits, good and bad, that humans, and pretty much everything in existence, have, the gods had also.

Christians need god to be perfect. Well, why is it that such a perfect thing, that you believe created everything, has shown himself incapable of creating anything perfectly? Maybe you're putting too much pressure on him. For all we really know, maybe direction of the supernatural is just a skill set that this guy happens to have, and just like anything else, it seems miraculous and amazing to people who can't do it. Playing guitar is impossible to do until you learn how to do it. What if the same reality applies to things like directing evolution or whatever reasonable theists think god does? If we say, for the sake of argument, that a personal god does exist, and we also accept the fact of Evolutionary Theory, then it looks to me that what we could infer is that god didn't have a goal, started simply, like a novice, and got better and capable of more complexity as time (lots and lots of time) went on.

So what if god is good, but he's not perfect? Maybe all those times that people feel like things worked out so perfectly that god must've been involved, he was, and he's happy he could help. But all those times that things couldn't have possibly worked out worse, he couldn't make it, there's a lot of people on the earth and hey, they all got problems, but he's really sorry. Hopefully, he can get you next time. Maybe we really are "made in his image" but what that really means is that, just like us, most of the time god is good, but he can be a real disappointing bastard sometimes, too.

In such an obviously imperfect world, why do we need to believe in a perfect deity? Why would we even think it possible? To me, if god exists, he has to feel like C-3P0, surrounded by adorable, and well meaning, but painfully misguided Ewoks.

Songs I wish I'd written.

In no particular order, here are 20 songs that I think are so good, that they fill me with jealousy when I hear them, or at the very least make me want to go straight home and start working on something to rival their quality.

1. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
2. Only in Dreams - Weezer
3. Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars
4. Save Me - Amiee Mann
5. Save Me - Remy Zero
6. Where The Streets Have No Name - U2
7. Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours - Stevie Wonder
8. The Prophet - Sunny Day Real Estate
9. Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
10. The Ballad of John & Yoko - The Beatles
11. Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes
12. Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
13. Songs of Love - Ben Folds
14. Destination Ursa Major - Superdrag
15. Mr. Love - The Toadies
16. The Reasons - The Weakerthans
17. Promise - Pedro the Lion
18. Naveed - Our Lady Peace
19. Jackie, Dressed in Cobras - The New Pornographers
20. Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel

I could, honestly, go on and on but I'll cap it at 20 and maybe update it periodically.

Last night, Leah and I dropped Harper off with Robin and Jeremy and went to see The Brothers Bloom and eat at PF Changs. The movie was really good and the food was exquisite, as always, but the company was the best thing about the evening. We had a great time and thankfully, Harper was really good for Robin and Jeremy. Jeremy said that Harper sat and watched "So you think you can dance" for a long time. I always wonder what she thinks of the things she sees, and since she has no frame of reference, does she think things are weird and confusing or does she just observe and accept? I wonder if she thinks we worship the TV or something.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to having no frame of reference and just view the world with no preconceived notions of how things are supposed to be and just enjoy the sense of wonder that would accompany such innocence. But mostly, I would just use the opportunity to watch The Empire Strikes Back and actually be surprised when Vader tells Luke he's his father. By the time I was old enough to appreciate Star Wars, Darth Vader was already so iconic that I knew he was Luke's father long before I actually saw the movie. I was cheated by pop culture, damn it!