Faith, and sex, and god in the belly of a black winged bird.

I didn't blog yesterday because I pretty much had the office to myself so I used the day to watch both Kill Bill movies and several episodes of Futurama. So, as you can see, I was busy.

Last night we went downtown for a Halloween party that our friend's company was throwing at a club. I don't thrive at parties but Leah loves to dance and its really cute to watch even if I don't feel like dancing.

Yesterday, on the radio, they were talking briefly about angels and more specifically, guardian angels. I remember hearing that the concept of "guardian angels" isn't scriptural, so I looked into it and its really not. A lot of people were calling into the radio station saying that they believe in angels and they believe everyone has someone watching out for them and other feel gooderies. Why do so many Christians think they've got guardian angels when their holy book doesn't even tell them that they have. It definitely mentions angels, but the concept of having one assigned to every person is something else entirely. We've all seen the "Don't drive faster than your angel can fly" bumper stickers. The notion is heavily present in our culture.

I get it, its comforting, but is it good to be comforted by things that aren't really there?

Once upon a time, I found myself with a lot of suicidal thoughts. I arrived at this place, largely, because I'd spent the lion's share of my time on the idea that god had a plan for my life and was involved to the extent that he was lending a hand to make that plan work out, and I was seeing for the first time that it was a real possibility that that was not the case. I didn't leave the faith immediately. No, that was just the beginning. I fought tooth and nail with reason to hold onto some form of the idea of a comforting deity. Now, years later, I look back at that time and realize that I didn't get through it because some guardian angel carried me, I got through it because those were the moments that I began to realize that I had to take responsibility for myself. (Also, I had great friends and family and a crush on a girl who would become my wife.) My life, my happiness, my failures, my successes, these are all things that are my responsibility. When I do something bad, its not because the devil tempted me, its because I can be an asshole. When I do something that's noble or selfless, kudos to me.

In my old age, I find myself taking issue with any religion teaching people that they are somehow inherently flawed from birth. "You're born a condemned person who can't possibly be good on your own, only our god can SAVE you." I'm, of course, not saying that people are perfect, but not being perfect doesn't mean that we're flawed in our design (for lack of a better term). No religionist would tell you that raccoons are born flawed and until they hear about Jesus(or Mohamed or Xenu) they're doomed. If there is a god, all the evidence points to the fact that he/she/it/they spent just as much time and care on the raccoon as they did on the human. To me, it just seems like an unhealthy way to think about one's self.

But...I could be wrong. What do I know?

"Losing my life to a whore with disease," I said, "Please... I'm a humble guy with healthy desires. Don't gimme no shit because I've been tired!"

I don't have much to say. Every new picture I see of Lindsay Lohan looks like there is less and less moisture in her body. Does she appear to be shrivelling to anyone else?

Got a lot of guitar done last night for "How Do You Do It?" and "Things You Already Know" for the new EP. Also recorded a guide track so that Jeff can lay down the drums for "If You Want," when he has the time. Its sounding great, thus far. Looking forward to a relaxing night at home.

I said, "Losing my penis to a whore with disease. Just kidding." I said, "Losing my life to a whore with disease." She said, "Excuse me, please?"

Today at the office there's a seminar about new software going on, so all the adjusters are busy with that all day. The pros: free BBQ from Rudy's. The cons: my boss's boss is here so even though he's an easy going, nice guy, there's always an added stress to constantly look busy. So that's why I'm blogging very quietly instead of shouting every word as I type it, like I normally do.

Tonight is our first focused recording session for the Songs For Staying In EP. I say "focused" because up til now we've just been recording little bits here and there whenever we had a free moment between shows and rehearsals. The result is having a depressingly small amount marked off on our "To Do" checklist. Now instead of rehearsals we've got weekly recording sessions, so we should have this knocked out in no time.

Cameron and I have started talking about a film project that I think could be very cool. We're talking about a documentary of sorts that would, essentially, be about spirituality in songwriting. We would document the making of the third Quiet Company record and interlace it with interviews with songwriters who often have spiritual themes. My goal is to get people like David Bazan, Tim Kasher from Cursive, Davy Baysinger from Bleach, Aaron Weiss from mewithoutYou, etc. So you see, people on both sides of the coin. I'd love to talk to David and Tim about their journey into dissolution and I'd love to ask Davy and Aaron some of the questions that poked holes in my faith. Not because I want to ruin their faith but just because they're both people/songwriters I really respect and I'm curious to know why they believe what they do. I don't know Aaron but I know Davy really well and a more genuine person you'd be hard pressed to find. Who we get would probably be less contingent on what I want, and more on who tours through Austin, though. What songwriters would you want to ask questions about their faith or their lack thereof.

"Let's go. Let's sit. Let's talk. Politics go so good with beer, and while we're at it, baby, why don't you tell me one of your biggest fears?"

Once again the weekend has come and gone and I'm back at my desk, staring at a screen for 8 hours. This weekend was seriously great. Our show at the Parish on Friday was about as good as we could ask for. Granted, it wasn't perfect. Tommy invited a lot of his coworkers from the gym and I'm not sure if they were just really drunk or just normally really obnoxious. They just screamed "Tommy" over and over, at the top of their lungs, at the end of songs, in the middle of songs, it didn't matter. The staff told them to keep it down, other people in the crowd told them to keep it down, Tommy shushed them once. I guess when your Affliction shirt looks that good, you don't have to listen to anybody. I just kept thinking, "Where do these assholes think they are?" because they were acting like they were at some frat party or a sleazy dance club. Their support was so abrasive it might as well have been heckling. So if you were at the show and your experience was lessened because of them, we apologize. In hindsight, I wish I'd just told them to shut the f**k up or get the f**k out, but I didn't want to piss off Tommy. Later he told me that I could've and should've said it so...now I know.

Anyway.

I want to say that all the extra musicians were amazing and we are so thankful for everyone helping out. I should also mention that Leah sang in our choir and apparently felt the need to orchestrate some impromptu interpretive dancing for said choir. Yeah, she's a keeper.

The next night we did a secret show at a fashion show that was also a benefit for PetsAlive which is a group advocating for all No Kill animal shelters in Austin. It was fun and there were topless girls covered in body paint and a fire dancer so Austin was keeping it weird. I'm not sure how good we sounded but I think everyone had a good time.

Now we're done with shows for about a month so we're focusing on finishing the EP. I'm really anxious to get it out of the way, but I do think its going to be pretty good, even if its composed mostly of leftovers.

Leah, Harper, and I were supposed to take family pictures tonight but the rain has put a stop to that. Rainy days like this are great if you can stay home, nap, and watch movies in bed; They're pretty shitty when you actually have to get up and go to work. I am looking forward to this cold front, though, and a night of staying in and relaxing with my two favorite females on the planet.

And she sighed "Aaahh." I said, "I wanna be a singer like Lou Reed." "I like Lou Reed," she said, sticking her tongue in my ear.

Tonight is the big show. The big spectacle. The big to do.

Once again, I'm convinced that my voice is feeling shaky and might go out, but this time, I'm also pretty convinced that my affliction is psychosomatic. There's still 11 hours til we play and I'm ready to get out of this office.

Sadly, I won't get to see my daughter at all today. After work, I'm going to get guitar strings and heading straight downtown for an early load in. I am really excited about the show tonight so I hope you'll all be there if you can. We're playing something like 13 songs, which is ridiculous to me, but we're playing some stuff that we never really play and trying to take good advantage of our "orchestra."

I had one of those really awful, realistic dreams last night where you wake up and think it really happened for a minute. I don't remember exactly what it was all about but Leah wanted a divorce so that qualifies as a nightmare to me. Thankfully, after I turned and saw her lying next to me I remembered that in the real world she likes me, at least, well enough to not want to spend the money on a divorce. Just kidding, she likes me a lot. Way more than she likes anyone else, and about as much as she likes Harper.

She said "I could tell you stories that will make you cry, what about you?" I said "Me Too. I could tell you a story that will make you cry."

This day is starting to drag. For lunch, everyone in the office went to eat at the Deluxe Chinese Buffet and thus we all made the worst decision that any of us will probably make today. I'm miraculously unaffected but I've watched all my other coworkers make trip after trip the the bathroom, all returning to regale me with stories of different odors and feelings. So it goes.

Tonight, one of my oldest friends, Casey, is in town and will be joining us for dinner at the house. Chicken, Sausage, and vegetables on the grill with cheesecake for dessert, it will be good times. Casey and I became friends in 5th grade and if I can say anything about him, its that he made my youth a lot more interesting than it would've been without him.

I set him on fire once.

It was his idea. We were in 8th grade and his brother was in high school where there was a chemistry teacher with a love of explosions and flames. Apparently, Casey's brother had come home once and shown Casey a trick where he applied a mixture of Ethyl alcohol and water to his arm and then set it on fire. The water keeps the fire from reaching your skin somehow, I don't know, I never took the class. His brother neglected to share the part about the water with Casey and so one day he grabbed some alcohol and some matches and told me he wanted to show me something. He poured alcohol all over his arm and handed me the match.

I said, "What are we doing?"
He said, "You, my friend, are going to light me on fire."

I said that I certainly wasn't going to do that and we argued for a minute or two before he had me convinced. So I lit him on fire. When he yelled "Fuck" and doubled over I got the impression that things hadn't gone according to his plan. He had huge blisters all over his arm for a while. They were pretty gross.

Despite how that story makes him seem, he's easily one of the smartest people I've ever known. He actually teaches a Sunday school class at the church we grew up in and a buddy of mine says its pretty interesting to hear your Sunday school teacher talk about how much he loves marijuana and advocate its legalization. Its just not what you expect in an East Texas Sunday school, you know? I think the next time I'm in East Texas on a Sunday I'm going to try and witness this spectacle.

1.2.3. She's a real left winger because she's been down south and held peasants in her arms...

Our final rehearsal is tonight with our "orchestra" and it is supposed to rain, so I'm not looking forward to loading in and out of the Music Lab. Oh well, can't be helped. The grass has to drink, too.

I've mentioned the Talk Origins Archive a few times, and because, somehow, almost every discussion on here about Atheism/Religion turns, in part, to Evolutionary Theory, I spent some time on there today. It really is a great resource and very easy to use/understand. Its fascinating to me because my education on the subject was so depressingly incomplete. I remember my high school biology teacher only mentioning Evolution once, saying "I don't mind if they teach it as a theory but I'm big on Creationism." In my high school biology was like history, always taught by coaches who wanted a little extra cash. Then I got to college. I only attended college for 2 years at a Jr. college in East Texas but I took biology again there. My teacher was really good and actually had an interest in the topic but it was still East Texas and while she clearly understood and accepted Evolutionary Theory, I don't remember it being part of the curriculum. My geology teacher that year talked more about Evolution than my biology teacher, which is weird.

I love learning about how unpredictable and chaotic life can be, even at the tiniest levels. Its really beautiful. I read about a new study the other day that showed how from just one generation to the next there are 100-150 mutations on the genetic code. ONE HUNDRED & FIFTY MUTATIONS just from me to Harper! That's crazy!

I digress.

I've watched Serenity twice in the last week, I'm really pissed that the new Kingdom Hearts game is only on Nintendo DS, and everyone should love the Pixies.