Wednesday, October 26, 2016

On Divorce.

I recently had a reasonably insignificant interaction with a person that stuck with me,  and as such I wanted to address something.  If you feel weird about being friends with Leah AND myself because we are divorced, don't.  It's cool.  I promise.

I didn't want to get divorced, which is to say it's not how anyone envisions their marriage playing out, but as divorces go, I think we're killing it.  In some weird way, I feel like I chose a good wife because of how well we've handled our divorce, and I know how counter-intuitive that statement seems, but fuck it, life is a highway and I want to drive it all night long.

Years ago, I took a vow to love and honor Leah, and I still aim to.  I don't feel like divorce has freed me of that vow, though that love certainly looks a lot different than how we originally thought.  Harper's existence is, of course, the thing that makes this so important.  When you have a kid, it doesn't really matter if you get divorced or not, you're never really done with that person.  And divorce doesn't change the fact that Harper will always look at my relationship with her mother as the blueprint for how a man should treat a woman.  It's still just as important to me that when she looks at us she sees what love and mutual respect looks like, and hopefully, she'll recognize when someone treats her with it or doesn't.

I don't want to paint an unrealistically sunny picture here.   Divorce fucking sucks and I've had a fairly unholy year.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone in a reasonably workable relationship.  I wish I'd done things differently and I'll probably always have regrets in one form or another, but that's probably true of any relationship old enough to be in the conversation.

But at the end of the day, I want Leah to be happy, and she seems to be.  She remains an amazing mother and Harper is the most well adjusted kid on the planet, so what could be more important than that?  Even I will probably find someone, eventually, that makes me happy, as well.  There's just too many people on this planet for the numbers to not be in my favor, even if I am more like George Costanza every day that goes by.

So be friends with me.  Be friends with Leah. There aren't any sides to choose, just a couple of imperfect people rooting for each other.