On why I would be a great superhero, or a really bad one, depending on your perspective.

I've been watching Smallville a lot lately. It's one of those shows that I always wanted to get into, and thought I would probably like, but never got around to. So now, I'm playing catch-up with the DVDs. I like the show a lot, but all the back and forth, will they/won't they between Clark and Lana gets a little maddening. It got me thinking about what I would do if I had super powers.

First off, I'd tell everyone. Well, not everyone, but several people. The whole idea of a secret identity keeping your family safe is kind of bullshit if you think about it. As long as you keep your inner circle small, you'll be alright. Just don't get caught by strangers doing super shit. But if there was a girl I really liked, I'd probably tell her the first time it became a problem. "Oh yeah, I know it was weird when I inexplicably ran out on our date the other night, but the reason is that I'm actually an alien and I have super powers as a result of your planet having a yellow sun and my home planet having a red one, and some people needed some super help. You understand right?" Or, "Oh yeah, I know I was a total dick to you the other day, but what had happened was that I'm actually an alien from another planet and as a result of the radiation from your yellow sun on my cells for all these years, different colored pieces of my home world, called 'Kryptonite,' affect me differently, and someone slipped me some of the 'red' and I just lost my shit." And maybe at some point, you could do the reasonable thing and say, "Hey friends of mine, who I've saved on countless occasions and all owe me a life debt or two, could you all please make a point to find and destroy as much Kryptonite as you can, as there seems to be a disproportionately large amount of it lying around? Thanks, it seriously harshes my mellow."

Here in the real world, to really be a good guy, you'd have to be willing to get your hands dirty. How easy would it be for Superman to fix a lot of the worlds big problems? First, I'd make a bunch of big, brightly colored, hand lettered signs that all said something along the lines of "Be nice or Superman will mess your shit up!!! :-)" and place them all around. And then I would proceed to kill all terrorists and warlords. Totalitarian? Kind of. Fascist? Maybe a little. Everyone thanking me later? You bet your sweet ass. The question you have to ask yourself is this: "Is it really noble of Batman to spare the Joker's life, knowing full well that the prison won't hold him forever, and it's only a matter of time before countless innocents will pay the price for Bats' nobility?" The answer is "no." The truly moral thing to do is to kill the Joker at the first opportunity.

One of the reasons I've wanted to get into Smallville is that one of my favorite heroes is now on the show.

Green Arrow is a badass, but when you think about it, only in a comic book could someone get away with being Green Arrow. Now, if some kid in New York got bit by a radioactive spider, developed spider powers, and started using those powers to fight crime, then we'd all think "Ok that person is crazy, albeit good intentioned." Because dressing up as a spider and swinging around on webs and beating up baddies with your bare hands is quirky and endearing.

Green Arrow's M.O. is to shoot people with a bow and arrow. Usually not even "trick" arrows. Just regular ol', "assault with a deadly weapon," arrows. Now, Batman may break several of the bones in your body and hospitalize you indefinitely, but he won't stab you! He won't shoot you in the arm! He won't run you through with anything!

...Green Arrow will, though. I don't know, just seems....well, it seems like Assault With A Deadly Weapon.

Looking forward to seeing him in Smallville, but I'm only on season 3. I can't see him and Clark getting along, somehow.

With or without it, you’d have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion

I am of the belief that, if you do horrible things, or knowingly allow horrible things to occur when it is in your power to stop them, you should be held accountable, no matter who you are. That's why I believe that every Catholic priest who molested children should be in jail. That's also why I believe that the Pope should be in jail. That's also why I believe that, seemingly, half the Vatican should be in jail.

If your priest touches your child, he should go to jail, or into a body bag and I'd probably opt for the latter. But the Catholics just let that shit happen. They trust in their precious popes, and bishops, and sexless nuns, their Bill Donohues, and their personal priests. They trust that those people of "authority" have the best moral judgement, I guess because they know god so well. I'm flabbergasted by the naivety of it all.

Hey Catholics, you know who generally makes good moral judgements? The fucking police. Maybe call them next time.

I'm glad that someone is finally trying to hold these sex offenders accountable, but the fact that it took 11,750 cases of sexual abuse, 11,750+ lives ruined, all in the hopes of keeping the Catholic church from looking bad, is heartbreaking to say the least.

And let's not fail to notice how G.W. Bush stepped in to save the pope from accountability last time. To me, that makes George W. Bush an aider and abettor of child molesters. Which is just as bad as being a child molester. So rationally, George W. Bush is a child molester.

Here are a couple of gems from LOL god.




Addendum:
Leah has launched her new baby fashion blog, Lennon Closet, and it is adorable. Go check it out to see the best dressed babies and whatnot.

Raise high the roof beams, carpenters!

Tomorrow is the actual last day that you can do us a solid and vote for Quiet Company in the Austin Chronicle Best of '09 poll. Please vote and encourage others (violently) to vote for us for band of the year, best rock band, best indie band and our album "Everyone You Love Will Be Happy Soon," for best album of the year. Please.

One of the worst, possibly THE worst thing about being a musician is the "hurry up and wait" aspect of our lives. We don't play til midnight tonight, but they want us to sound check between 4 and 6. What are we supposed to do for the remaining 3 hours til the doors even technically open? Wander around aimlessly downtown, I guess. That's probably what I'll be doing.

JD Salinger died today at age 91. That's a pretty full life, I suppose. I hope he was comfortable and loved at the end. And at the beginning and middle, for that matter. I've read all 4 of his books, my favorite being "Raise High The Roof Beams, Carpenters," and my least favorite being, the immortal classic, "Catcher in the Rye."

I haven't had much religious content lately but today, I saw this graphic, and I'm a sucker for those faux inspirational posters.

I also thought this was hilarious.

"A speckled bird, humbly inspired, ran across the road when it could've flown and it made me smile."

Sarah Palin has signed on with Fox "news" as a contributor. Earlier today my co-worker filled an apple juice bottle with piss and I put a sticky note on it that says "FREE JUICE!! NOT PEE!!!" and we put it in the refrigerator. I'm sure there's a profound analogy to be made between the two, I'm just not sure what it is yet.

We're finishing up mixing on "Songs For Staying In" this week or next and we've set a date for mastering (Feb 3rd). So this hurdle is almost jumped and we're going to start learning new songs now. My goals for 2010 include the Quiet Company musical and the 3rd record. They both need to be started and at least one of them needs to be finished by the end of the year. I don't care which one.

Be as skeptical as you want...it won't make these blueberry yogurt dipped granola bars any less delicious...and you know what?!? I think you know it!

The twisted genius of Brad Neely

Tonight, Quiet Company have a photo shoot with my lovely bride at The Cathedral Of Junk.
We're going to wear suits and hopefully not look awkward so stay tuned for that.

We've also got a couple of shows this week. Thursday we're playing in Bryan, TX and Friday we're in Dallas. Check the page for details.

Started two new books that I got at the library the other day and enjoying both of them. The first is My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, which is a sequel of sorts to Ishmael. I think the idea is just to further flesh out the concepts in Ishmael, just like he does in The Story of B which is another novel connected to Ishmael.

The second book is Mark Twain's Helpful Hints for Good Living - A Handbook for the Damned Human Race by Mark Twain. Its an endearing collection of short essays, letters, and anecdotes from the author about his wife, children, and daily life. I always knew Vonnegut loved Twain so now its really interesting to see the tangible influence that Twain's writing had on Vonnegut. Whenever I read this book, the voice in my head is that of Foghorn Leghorn, incidentally.

Does anyone have any questions?

Glenn Beck is a damn genius!!!

Really makes your heart swell with American pride. I've been laughing about this for a while today. Perhaps I've been wrong about socialism, since our public schools have let these people down so badly. Part of me thinks there is a small chance that the mullet guy is being ironic but...that might be optimistic to the point of foolishness.

I just can't get enough Brad Neely

EXTREME!!!

So far, at work today, I've just been looking at the amazingly hilarious work of Brad Neely. You may know him from his overdubbing of Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone, called "Dear Readers, Wizard People." He lives in Austin, and is a genius.

Last night I watched some of Jon & Kate + 8 with Leah. I don't know why she watches that stuff. Jon's seems dopey as hell, and Kate is an insufferable shrew. Right after that incredible tripe went off, another show about a family that has 18 kids came on. ARE YOU SERIOUS, TLC?!? Its ridiculous that all you have to do is be incredibly selfish, and/or irresponsible with your breeding and TLC will apparently give you your own show. Oh, it also helps if you're little people. I just told Leah last night that there's probably tons of fertile, awful people out there thinking that they've found their cash cow, and lo and behold, when I got to work today I read that the "Octomom" has a show now. I wish everyone would stop watching these things because then they'd stop making them. These are the kinds of shows that I want to shelter Harper from. Good job America, lets teach our kids that selfishness and vanity are almost always rewarded with money and fame, no talent required.