Friday, June 19, 2009

Insert sensational title about republicans being bad here.

There's been a lot of talk lately about how the republican party can stay relevant. This is something I am concerned about because I think its crucial for them to stay relevant for our politics to be useful. You might say, "Wait a minute, Taylor. Why do you care? You're supposed to be a left wing, socialist democrat, liberal douche bag." And you'd be right. I'd love to live in an America where all my opinions are put into law but what I'd really love is to have two parties that I feel like have something to offer. So here are my top five suggestions to keep republicans in the game.

1. Stop letting hot headed, sensational, bullies be your voice. You know who I'm talking about. Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'reiley, Sean Hannity, etc. These people make you all look like assholes. Especially Rush and Bill. They have these absolutist positions on all the issues, but when they're challenged they don't defend their position, as much as they just try to shout down the opposition. Even if you can get someone to shut up doesn't mean you've proven them wrong. People just tune in to these programs to hear someone agree with them about how much they hate immigrants and liberals, and I just don't see how that's helpful. Its also probably irresponsible to have these shows on a "news" channel, when they're very clearly not news. They're not "fair and balanced" either but we'll pick our battles.

2. Speak up, moderates! John (circa 2000) and Megan McCain are who you need to be looking to, not crabby ass Cheney. Moderates can lean with the zeitgeist and that's what the party really needs if its going to appeal to young people. Stop trying to hold on to this image of a prudish Christian America that never really existed.

3. Engage in the discussions of the issues like human beings and realise that there are really no black and white issues. I disagree with Mike Huckabee on probably just about every issue, but I've loved him every time he goes on the Daily Show because he seems to at least try to understand the other side. Demonizing the other side because you disagree isn't really helping and it just comes across as childish. When you can't talk about the issue you talk about the other people. Stop acting like the political arena is your 4th grade playground.

4. Jesus probably wouldn't vote for you so stop acting like he's your frat brother. Make decisions based on what's best for America, objectively, and leave your religion out of it. Its only going to serve as enough rope to hang yourself anyway. Also, kooks like Pat Robertson don't do much for intellectual or moral credibility.

5. Be smart. Stop ignoring scientists and environmentalists. Stay away from people like Sarah Palin, she may be folksy and relatable but she's borderline retarded. Trust me, she's not doing you any favors.

Good luck.

Check out the latest Mike Huckabee/Jon Stewart interview here.


  1. And quit claiming to be proponents of upholding the Constitution and then have NY State Assemblymen call for the resignation/firing of David Letterman over a joke. A tasteless joke? Sure. But free speech nonetheless.

  2. I've been so out of the loop! What joke? There's no tv at camp....