Today in Sydney, Australia the sky turned blood red. It then faded to gold as the sun rose, but still, in light of the close proximity to the rapture prediction...pretty freaky. It was a dust storm and Sydney has a ton of red clay topsoil, but they've never had one even remotely close to as big as this. I have to admit that this spooked me a little bit.
I'm not one of those guys that can never admit that I was wrong. I'm wrong all the time. Obviously, I don't think I'm wrong til I'm proven wrong but I can admit it when that has happened. That being said, I guess I could be wrong about religion and god. As I said before, I'd love to be wrong about religion and god, I just haven't seen anything that makes me think I am. But as I was creeped out by the dust storm today, I began to wonder to myself if I am just like the faithful...So scared of being right or wrong that it becomes damn near impossible for me to accept evidence that contradicts my point of view. I don't think that that's the case for me or at least I hope its not. In this situation it begs the question, "Is it possible for something to make little to no sense, to defy logic and common rationality, and still be true?"
What does "god" even mean? Is is an actual "person" with feelings and character and a name? Is it enlightenment? Is it the light in all living things? Is it simply a catalytic force? Is it just another word for "that which we cannot explain"? Does anyone know? Is it possible to know?
I'm still seeking god (whatever that means). I know that's a weird thing for an Atheist/Deist to say and maybe its just because its so bred into my character, but I feel like I'll always be seeking god. I was brought up believing that I could find "him" and learn to understand "him" in the church, and I think maybe I saw glimpses of it there but they were clouded by dogma. I was taught that the Bible was the best way to learn about god's beauty and love, and there is some beautiful stuff in there, but the Bible is so full of bullshit, contradiction, and flat out crazy talk that it doesn't stand up as a reliable document, to me. So when that had become unsatisfying I didn't and still don't know where to look. If "god" is life and an appreciation for life then I see it the most in my family, my friends, and in music. But maybe those are just beautiful things and there's nothing "spiritual" about my love for them. I've made up my mind to never believe anything supernatural without evidence and I stand by that.
All that to say, if there is a personal god and this life actually is some kind of cruel game of spiritual hide & seek then I guess I'm still playing, but don't think for a second that I don't think this is fucked up.
Words of wisdom from Corrie ten Boom,"Look around you and you'll be distressed; look within yourself and you'll be depressed; look at Jesus, and you'll be at rest!"
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