Friday, January 22, 2010

"Everyone's a little queer..."

Early this morning, I stumbled upon this article about the TV show "Glee," and suddenly, I knew what I'd be blogging/laughing about today. Please go read the article. You don't have to watch the show to appreciate the level of willful ignorance and sheer stupidity that went into writing it, but it helps.

I won't dissect the entire article because I don't have all day/week, but here is my absolute favorite part.

"Another major fault with the show is its fawning celebration of teenage homosexuality and consumer indulgence. Again the show makes the case that accepting the gay lifestyle and making yourself as outrageous as possible will help you achieve something despite whatever social limitations you may have. Disregarding any sense of fair play, the show does not offer any alternative to the gay lifestyle argument. There are no teens cured of their relentless and wild male sex desires, there are no moral figures on hand to give a comforting hand, there are no popular boys who say, 'I don’t want to hurt my family anymore and I love Jesus, so I am going to stop doing gay things with guys in the bathroom.'"

WHAAATTT??!!!? Partner that statement with the "About the author" section that comes after he reveals that he thinks way too much about the Golden Girls:
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Fanmail me !

Are you laughing yet? I hope Stephenson Billings' closet is comfortable, because I don't guess he's coming out of it anytime soon.

So basically, the argument that this piece is making is this:
"Of course, all men would love to fuck guys. What could be more inviting than that sweet, sweet, sex with another man? But we don't do it! We make the moral choice! The only reason we don't have gay sex is because it makes the baby Jesus cry. That is the ONLY reason. Obviously, it would be awesome...but only awful people succumb to those relentless and wild male sex desires."

Also, will someone please tell these idiots, that there is no alternative to the gay lifestyle. If you're gay, you're gay. I don't think there's much you can do about it. Stephenson, gay people can't stop being gay any more than you can stop wanting to collect antique soda bottles or, (I'll humor you) being "heterosexual." (See, I put it in quotes because, based on the information I have here and the piece you wrote, I don't think you are.)

It's not just homosexuality that the article takes issue with, it's any kind of sexuality in teenagers. Well, guy, have you ever met a teenager? They're very interested in sex, most of them are having it, and all of them are talking about it. Girls, boys, jocks, nerds, gays, straights, all of them. It's the one thing they all have in common. This article is full of the sort of sexual repression that the church is famous for.

The other day, my boss and I were talking and he mentioned that he never met a Baptist girl that wasn't sexually repressed. I was raised in a Baptist church, and I would say that that's probably true. Looking back, it's kind of crazy how much energy and effort was put into convincing us that sex was evil and easily the worst decision we could possibly make. It was very unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, I do think that it's generally not a good idea for teenagers to have sex. But my church and school taught "abstinence only" and I don't think that's wise.

I have no idea what I'm going to tell my daughter. Her mother and I saved ourselves for each other. Leah did because she had self esteem, I did because I was sexually repressed. I do think that sex is a sacred thing. Not because of some spiritual hoopla, but just because it's the most intimate thing two people can share and I don't think you should just give that shit away. Well, now I've gone off on a tangent.

Anyway, read that article, it's chocked full of ridiculous viewpoints and the idiotic ramblings of a sexually repressed, probably self loathing closet homosexual. It would be sad if it weren't so damn funny.

Well, it's still sad.


  1. This post made me laugh pretty hard.
    What I found more disturbing in the article was this little gem:
    Ultimately, these ad hoc songfests give children a very false impression about talent and success. They are led to believe if they just spin around and shout, they’re creating world-class music. They are led to believe we live in a world where anybody and everybody can succeed as long as they have heart. But this is far from true. Some people are born with the vocal chords for music, others have the bodies for football and others have the brains for math. That is reality. But this show is a drug of false expectations that will inevitably harm our children. It convinces impressionable teens to avoid serious career training in favor of having “fun” in the “arts.”
    I wish I had had some positive role models around when, as a teenager, I decided to go into the 'arts'. It sure would have saved me a lot of money and frustration. Too late now I guess...

    Also hilarious: this same author says in a separate article that Stephen Baldwin "has also become one of America’s most profound thinkers today."

    I am sorry to hear that your experience of growing up in a church was so different than mine. As far as I can tell, I never felt sexually repressed (although, I suppose that not knowing is part of being repressed.) I think it is probably true that in many (most?) churches and Christian families, sex is presented in a way that is damaging to kids. This anxiety about sexuality seems so contrary to what I would consider to be an orthodox interpretation in the bible. A plain reading of Song of Songs gives pretty explicit presentation of the beauty and joy of sex properly understood.

    I don't know if I am interpreting you incorrectly, but I think I would take issue with the idea that our sexual identity can be neatly divided into categories like 'gay' and 'straight'. I think that any 'straight' man who claims that they have never experienced any sort of sexual attraction to other men is almost certainly lying. The man (or woman) who watches hardcore pornography is attracted to both sexes in some sense. From conversations I have had with some gay friends of mine, the same is perfectly true of those who identify themselves as homosexuals. Our sexual identities are as complex as our complete personal identity is...
    I think there is such a thing as Sexual Ethics, but that is an entirely different subject altogether.

  2. Incidentally, my wife and I watch Glee and really like it. I don't know what that says about me.

  3. It says you like "Glee" and I think that's about it. I don't know a whole lot about it but I believe it was the Kinsey report that showed us that "everyone's a little queer" but I don't think it says much about a person's understanding of that if they use the terms "gay" or "straight." Those are simply the most convenient terms.

  4. Funny how all these fervently religious closet cases devote their lives to "loving" this sexy bearded jewish guy. A lot. And talking about it. And singing about it. A lot. And occasionally falling down on the floor writhing with pleasure--erm, I mean the holy spirit.

  5. Wait, this site has to be satire, right? After looking through some of the articles, there's no way this is for real.

  6. @Teresa: You'd be surprised how willfully stupid people can be in the name of the lord.

    I love Glee. I can't even begin to respond to that article, it's so homophobic, racist, anti-semetic and sexist. It sort of embodies everything I hate about devout Christians. I really don't like getting that angry, it feels like I'm stooping down to their levels. but since I'm already there... That guy is clearly abusing religion to justify his own insecurities and prejudices. (Also, he's an asshat.)

  7. My boyfriend says that all teenagers are "rage infested sex machines".

    That is disturbing.

  8. This was awful. I read it too and had to join the band of comments that in-full ripped this guy to shreds. Seriously, 249 out of 249 comments were against this article. Cool life, Billings bro.

  9. Actually, after looking around the site and googling it, I think this is one of the most convincing satires I've ever seen. It's actually pretty brilliantly done, if that's the case.