Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. - Anne Lamott

Feeling really bad for the people of Haiti. The only successful slave revolution took place in Haiti, and I'm sure they've done nothing to deserve this. You wouldn't know that to hear Pat Robertson speak. Apparently, they made a "deal with the devil" long ago that they're now paying for. Why is it that every time there is a natural disaster, emphasis on "natural", this truly, truly stupid pissant is around to blame the disaster on the victims? Well guess what, Pat. God has finally revealed itself to me! I'm now a theist! God came to me in a dream, no, a vision, and told me that the reason we have earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, genocides, wars, or unhappiness at all, is actually because we're behind on our blood quota. God demands that we sacrifice an aging, deluded, ignorant, crazy religious TV pundit every once in a while to keep it satisfied.

I'm sure it's not nearly as fun to be the object of god's irrational hatred. Lucky for that piece of shit, god didn't actually reveal itself to me or else he'd be on the business end of some completely crazy, yet constitutionally protected, hate speech. Christian, police your ranks!

But god wasn't actually in my dreams last night. John Lithgow was.

I've never liked Pat Robertson. As a matter of fact, I've actively despised him for the better part of a decade. I despised him as a Christian probably more than I despise him now and the reason is this: He uses Jesus as a weapon. He's just a tamer version of Fred Phelps in my opinion. Worthless, vile, deluded, and dangerous. I think the only reasonable response Christians can have to people like Pat is embarrassment, and a sense of urgency to make him shut his senile mouth and wipe that idiot smile off his face.

Also, if you hear anyone say anything along the lines of "God uses these things to get our attention.." you should probably do them a favor and explain how that makes them and their god look like assholes.


  1. Pat Robertson is not worth this many sentences. Sorry, but it's true.

  2. Btw, that wasn't meant to say I hate your blog...but I see his name and cringe because I know what comes out of that man's mouth is contrary to what I believe to be true about God.

  3. One more thing, see what he does??? He takes our minds away from what we SHOULD be doing. Thinking about Haiti and trying to find a way to help...even if it's a small way.

  4. I thought calling for the death of Pat Robertson WAS helping....jk

  5. I would say Pat Robertson is pretty much a paradigm case of what is wrong with modern mainstream Evangelicalism... I am embarrassed by him, but at the same time I don't think any educated person takes him to be a serious representative of Christianity anyway. I might be wrong about that....
    In any case, we all have our kooks.

  6. Yeah, Pat Robertson is sickening but totally predictable. The comments in my Facebook feed about how this all "puts things into perspective" for people and how they are praying for Jesus to comfort the people of Haiti are what is truly annoying.

    Congratulations, privileged people, on your warm fuzzy epiphany that you will forget about the day after tomorrow. You worship an imaginary daddy-replacement that kills innocent people with earthquakes. Why not gain a little "perspective" from that?

  7. Thought this might give you a laugh: